Cards Proudly Displayed by Dairy Farmers

Front: In the love of Christmas, may you find joy...

Inside: Thanks for the Cow Manure.

Eh?

Hey, did you know there's a bloodless coup going down in Canada right now? Thanks to a librarian friend in Toronto, I now know about a thousand times more about the Canadian political system than I did this morning. We were Google Talking and she mentioned this major constitutional crisis. I was forced to admit I had only the slightest idea what she was talking about. There was no webcam, but I'm sure she must have sighed loudly and rolled her eyes a bit. Typical navel gazing Americans! I mean really, how could I not know about this? I live 100 miles from the border. I wake up to NPR like any good liberal elitist. I scan the headlines. I watch Brian Williams.

Here's how she broke it down for me:

It's actually very easy, here goes: Conservative - right wing, color: blue; Liberal - centrist, color: red; NDP - socialist, color: orange; Greens - environmental, color: green; Bloc Quebecois - French Canadian Separatists, and then there's all the small parties, including the Marijuana Party of Canada (really, it does exist)...

Well, currently the Conservative Party has a minority government; the Liberals, NDP, and Bloc Quebecois, between the three of them, have more seats. So they can outvote the ruling party on legislation and that can lead to the overthrow of the party...

It's the party that counts. We elect the party, through our local representatives (members of Parliament). The leader is not elected by the people, but by their party...

But it gets even more complicated, because the leader of the Liberal party, Stephane Dion, who signed a deal with the NDP and Bloc Quebecois to overthrow the Conservatives is now himself being overthrown by one of the individuals who was a contender for the leadership contest of the Liberal party last year - Michael Ignatieff. Consitutional experts will have their knickers in a knot for some time to come.

So, in Canada, it is perfectly constitutional for there to be a huge transfer of power in the opposite direction of what the voters decide. Who knew?

Without Packages, Boxes, or Bags

Earlier this fall, my mom sent me the instant message "how would you feel about no presents this year?" I told her that was just fine. Financially, it's been a tough year for my parents. I don't want them feeling obligated to buy a bunch of stuff they can't afford. Middle sister was unemployed over the summer and is still digging herself out of that hole. Plus, she hates Christmas shopping under any circumstances. She usually puts it off until a Christmas Eve Hail Mary trip to Discount Drug Mart. Last year, she got our dad a can of cat food. Baby sister and baby brother-in-law already exchange plenty of loot with the other side of their family. And so it was decided: no presents this year.

Now I'm having reservations about this plan.

1. I miss Christmas shopping! Shopping for Toys for Tots is not the same as shopping for people you know.
   
2. Gift exchange time is the only time my family turns off the television. We were never very good at Family Game Night. I fear that this year we'll be trading our hour of togetherness for an extra hour of A Christmas Story marathon.
3. The first thing our wealthier cousins always ask when they come for dinner is "so what did you get?" We'll say "oh, we decided not to do presents this year" and sound either a) holier-than-thou or b) hopelessly impoverished, and neither is true. On the plus side, maybe we won't have to hear about their matching leather jackets and big screen TVs.
   
4. There's a chance my mom will break down and buy presents anyway, and then we'll all feel like schmucks.

I'll be putting extra money in my usual kettles this year. We'll see how it goes with no presents at home. At least there will be cookies.

Overheard in Portland

"The Internet adds ten pounds." [on meeting a Skype contact in person for the first time]

"You're not a cantaloupe person and I'm not a honeydew person. Interesting." [in the breakfast buffet line]

"My students kept complaining that the library orientation was torture, so I went to it, and they were right. It was torture." [well yeah, that's why Introduction to Torture is a required class in library school]

"Ho Ho Ho! Merrrrry Christmas!" [very believable Santa Claus at the mall]

"Well, speaking as a Mac owner and not an Apple Store employee..." [yeah, right]

"I'm sorry. We're all out of Pepto Bismol donuts." [settled for a Fruit Loop donut instead]

"So did anyone have any new ideas last night? At dinner, on the treadmill, in the shower with your teammates... "
[intense blushing]
"I mean in the shower COMMA with your teammates!!!"

"Mathematicians cite papers they actually read. Biologists cite every paper ever written on the topic by a potential reviewer." [so true]

"Her name is Catherine Chow, but she goes by Cat." [and she makes dresses entirely out of zippers]

"I'll have a chardonnay and a hot dog." [in the bistro car]

"I bet you don't even know what the Alamo is."
"Yes I do, and it's not one of John Wayne's better films!"
[from the most predictable movie ever]